Stats, Bugs and Fireworks

Eli Roth (the director of the films "Cabin Fever" and "Hostel" part I and II) has a blog of his own, and I have decided to post his entry on my own blog. I'm posting it, because the first paragraph deals with a rather interesting issue that I felt obligated to share with others. I would only post that first paragraph if I didn't find the others so amusing. The second paragraph is about an experience I can completely relate with, so I do believe that I have a new connection with this guy. The rest is just sillyness. Enjoy.
(there are some naughty words, so don't let young ones read please. oh, and there were pictures included but I didn't add them, aye.)

"Happy New Year! This is fucking awesome. Two researchers at U.C. Berkeley and U.C. San Diego have done a study showing that violent movies reduce crime by 1.2-1.3% when watched between 6 PM and midnight, and even higher numbers AFTER viewers have seen the film, during Midnight and 6 AM. The study estimates that on weekends 1,000 violent crimes are prevented when people watch violent movies. So that means that between my three films I've prevented probably 10,000 violent crimes, so if someone in could print out the report (it's included in the link above) and kindly shove it up the New Zealand censor's ass I would greatly appreciate it.

I've fucking had it with the ladybugs in my house. I was all nice to them because I heard they were good luck, so if I saw one crawling along my window, I'd cup it onto a piece of paper, open the window, and gently escort it out. Not anymore. Now I have a fucking infestation. They're everywhere. It's freaky, I have no idea where they come from or why they like crawling along my windows, but they multiplied like cockroaches. This morning I was in the shower and saw a bunch of them crawling out of the cracks, and decided that I was going to go Charles Bronson on them. I took the rubber "it's a boy" duckie from my sister in law's baby shower and just started whacking them. They'd drop to the floor and I would smash them with the rubber duckie, which would wheeze out a squeekie noise every time I killed one. I spent a good ten minutes, dripping wet, stomping around my bathroom in a naked rubber duckie ladybug killing rampage. It was horrible, I hated it, but I had to claim my bathroom back. You try to be nice and these fuckers just run right over you. Not anymore. Any ladybug I see anywhere near the inside of my house will be killed by the rubber duckie, "New York Ripper" style.

New Year's was great. I had to get away, so I went to Iceland. I went with Tarantino, and when we go there, they treat us like kings. We of course were there with the King of the Swing himself, Eythor Gudjonsson, and I visited the Blue Lagoon, Lauger Spa, and the farm Ingolfshvoll, where I lived when I was 19. I had an amazing trip. The country is so beautiful, everywhere you go it's just breath taking. People ask me if it's freezing there, and yeah, it's cold, but it was far more freezing in Boston and New York. Iceland has some customs that might seem strange to some Americans. For one thing, they have 13 Santa Clauses. Now, these Santa Clauses are separate from Santa Claus, he's a whole other thing. (It's so Icelandic I can't begin to explain it, but this is what I've gathered from my various sources...) The 13 Santa Clauses come down from the mountains, and start to go back after December 24th. The Santa Clauses are evil, and they take things from you. One is named "Candle Sneaker" because he sneaks away with your candles. Another is door sniffer. He sniffs your doors. (I swear I am not making this up.) And then there's Window Peeper. And of course Sausage Stealer. (I had a dude in the showers at the gym who I think might have been Sausage Stealer by the way he was watching me shampooing.) And my favorite, skyrgaumer, who comes and takes your skyr. So people in Iceland light fireworks for thirteen nights, starting on Christmas, and ending on January 6th. On the last night they have bonfires all over town. I have never, ever in my life seen any display of fireworks like New Year's in Iceland. They go completely fucking nuts, and literally every single family lights these insane industrial sized fireworks. Eythor bought a whole artillery and we lit them off, and then lit more on January 6th when the last of the Santas went back to the mountains. Every night kids put a shoe in the window, and if they're good they get candy in their shoe in the morning, and if they're bad the Santa Claus gives them a potato. Makes sense, right? "

There was more but it all related to pictures I am not able to reproduce here. Hope ya liked it.